It's 2012 now...a few days ago it was 2011. My last blog was over a year ago (whoopsie) and consisted of the top moments of the previous year. Now that I'm jumping back on the blogging wagon, I thought I'd take a different twist on this entry. Instead of looking back and recapping the past year, I wanna look ahead - not planning the future, cuz that always turns around to bite me in the ass - but in attempt to stir up some excitement in my life, and perhaps in the lives of those of you who choose to read this. Also, sometimes my thoughts are a little mumble jumble, so read at your own risk. This one is a wee bit confusing - just an fyi before you get started. :)
I'm dropping the walls for a bit, so those of you who don't know me well...this is a huge deal. I rarely ever let anybody in (this is actually one of my New Year's Resolutions - be more open. No better way to dive right in then to share my thoughts with the entire cyber world). Something that sort of disappeared this past year (okay so maybe I will talk about the past year a little bit) was my faith. No, not so much religious faith, but my faith in everything - myself, people, the world. I've been doing a bit of self-analyzing these past couple days. I sort of became a hermit, not really leaving my room for more than a couple hours a day. It's consisted of time to read, watch my beautiful T.V. shows, and just be. Many times throughout my days I think I forget to just "be," and end up just going through the motions. Anyway, when I take the time to self-analyze, I sort of become moody, depressed, and no fun. A lot of times I think it's easier to just be so ridiculously busy that I never have time to actually "be," that way I don't have to realize just how puzzled I actually am. I think it's much easier to fake being happy then it is to hide being sad.
That being said, don't begin to question my happiness every time you see me. I am extraordinarily grateful for all the wonderful things in my life - and each one of them causes me large amounts of happiness. But everyone has "those" days; I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. So back to what I was talking about earlier - I've lost my faith, in well, pretty much everything. I can't really pinpoint where this happened; it wasn't one certain event. Perhaps it happened throughout the year, or even the past couple years, and just now have I come to discover what really was missing in my life.
Ah ha! Here is the future talk: I was having a not-so-great day a while back, so I decided to go to Thatzza and grab a slice of Chicken Cordon Bleu pizza - another thing I learned this past year - eating does not make things better, no matter how good it tastes! :) You only live to regret it the next day. Anyway, I was heading back home so I headed north, on whatever road it is, and then got to first and took a right. From there, at the very end of the road, I could see this very large, beautiful, sturdy structure...and I thought to myself, "Hmm...if I could only be more like that building." I happen to be very fond of the building - I've come to know it well, although it still frightens me at night time. It tends to be a hoppin' place, full of love and warmth and kindness. It always tends to be makin' a joyful noise, even if not everyone is on the correct pitch, or even in the right key altogether.
For those of you who live in Aberdeen, I'm sure you've figured out what building I'm talking about, but to be honest, does it really matter? It's beauty can be seen from numerous different areas, and the inner beauty comes bursting through the front doors. Perhaps you have a building that would mean nothing to me, but everything to you!
So what does this have to do with my faith? On that lovely day, that wasn't so lovely, I realized that I had faith in the building, the structure, the soundness that it holds. Perhaps you're thinking, "You idiot! Why would you put your faith in a building?" But maybe it's about the baby steps. Faith isn't something that restores itself overnight. Frankly, there is a reason that mine is missing. But with that faith being invested in something as simple as a building, something doesn't hit back, or let me down, is just what I need in order to get me back in the swing of things.
Something that I find sort of cool is that from the place that I turned right, and the end of the road before it curves off, is a ridiculously long distance. But the building rises high above anything else. There are many stops along the way, different streets I could veer off on or places I could stop and visit - but I chose not to. So for 2012, it is my goal to stay focused on that building. That's not to say I won't veer off some days, or stop and visit, cuz that's what makes life fun and interesting and what make me human. It's sort of a nice metaphor for the year. It is a long journey, 365 days...but every new year is a exciting, at least I think so. I never know what's in store. This year, I plan on enjoying the drive, knowing that at the end of the year, that building which I've grown to love will still be there, guiding me the entire time. Who knows what shall happen between here and there - but not knowing can be exciting, if you decide to look at it that way (another resolution - Try a different perspective).
Maybe you think this is silly, and that's okay with me. This building has become a part of my life and has real meaning to me (maybe the actual meaning will come in a different blog - although that would involve me really going deep...baby steps!). And remember, it's a metaphor. Thought I'd remind you, just in case you didn't really pick up on it. :)
What are you going to invest in this year? Is there anything missing in your life? Do you take the time to just "be" and give yourself the time to actually figure out what's going on with you? I hope so. Cuz you, my friend, are worth it.
I'm dropping the walls for a bit, so those of you who don't know me well...this is a huge deal. I rarely ever let anybody in (this is actually one of my New Year's Resolutions - be more open. No better way to dive right in then to share my thoughts with the entire cyber world). Something that sort of disappeared this past year (okay so maybe I will talk about the past year a little bit) was my faith. No, not so much religious faith, but my faith in everything - myself, people, the world. I've been doing a bit of self-analyzing these past couple days. I sort of became a hermit, not really leaving my room for more than a couple hours a day. It's consisted of time to read, watch my beautiful T.V. shows, and just be. Many times throughout my days I think I forget to just "be," and end up just going through the motions. Anyway, when I take the time to self-analyze, I sort of become moody, depressed, and no fun. A lot of times I think it's easier to just be so ridiculously busy that I never have time to actually "be," that way I don't have to realize just how puzzled I actually am. I think it's much easier to fake being happy then it is to hide being sad.
That being said, don't begin to question my happiness every time you see me. I am extraordinarily grateful for all the wonderful things in my life - and each one of them causes me large amounts of happiness. But everyone has "those" days; I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. So back to what I was talking about earlier - I've lost my faith, in well, pretty much everything. I can't really pinpoint where this happened; it wasn't one certain event. Perhaps it happened throughout the year, or even the past couple years, and just now have I come to discover what really was missing in my life.
For those of you who live in Aberdeen, I'm sure you've figured out what building I'm talking about, but to be honest, does it really matter? It's beauty can be seen from numerous different areas, and the inner beauty comes bursting through the front doors. Perhaps you have a building that would mean nothing to me, but everything to you!
So what does this have to do with my faith? On that lovely day, that wasn't so lovely, I realized that I had faith in the building, the structure, the soundness that it holds. Perhaps you're thinking, "You idiot! Why would you put your faith in a building?" But maybe it's about the baby steps. Faith isn't something that restores itself overnight. Frankly, there is a reason that mine is missing. But with that faith being invested in something as simple as a building, something doesn't hit back, or let me down, is just what I need in order to get me back in the swing of things.
Maybe you think this is silly, and that's okay with me. This building has become a part of my life and has real meaning to me (maybe the actual meaning will come in a different blog - although that would involve me really going deep...baby steps!). And remember, it's a metaphor. Thought I'd remind you, just in case you didn't really pick up on it. :)
What are you going to invest in this year? Is there anything missing in your life? Do you take the time to just "be" and give yourself the time to actually figure out what's going on with you? I hope so. Cuz you, my friend, are worth it.
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